Moving Towards my Destiny

I am officially unemployed now for the first time in my career. To tell you the truth I'm thrilled about it. The reason I'm not to stressed about money is that I put a lot of money away into the business over the years. It was used to pay salaries and expenses of the business and the debt to me accrued into my shareholder loan account. Now that I have left my business I will be paid out the money, with no interest. Nonetheless, I have the luxury of living off the money for six months while I find my way to living my passion fully. 

Elizabeth Gilbert says that you are free when you are living your passion while fully paying your way. I don't need to be obscenely wealthy. I'd just like to pay my bills and live a modest life. I am already rich in what I have in my life - a beautiful family and living in one of the best climates in the world. My major focus now is to write because I feel that it is my calling. It is the fulfillment of my destiny so I simply must follow it. 

Now that I'm quite a lot better I have a coach to help me meet my goals. I know myself well enough to know that I'm not so good without external accountability. I need to have someone expecting something from me to deliver at my best. In my days of training for ultra marathons, I needed the fixed big scary goal of race day to motivate me. I also needed people waiting for me at the nearby shopping centre where we started our morning runs. 

So I have now made a daily commitment to write purely on my book. My blog and articles  will be extra if I have the energy. I do love my blog so I promise I won't neglect it! I'm also trying to figure out whether I should write on the weekend or not. Perhaps I need to confine writing to the week days so that the boundaries between work and leisure are clear. Or is it better to write when the inspiration comes? I wrote two articles and a blog post on the weekend so I know that it's possible to squeeze in writing when I'm feeling inspired. I then felt entitled to take Monday off. This is just the kind of freedom I need, not to be constrained by expectations and obligations. 

Although I have not yet made money from my writing I feel that I'm making great progress. My book's concept and structure are really taking shape and I'm applying myself to get the content in. I'm writing articles now which is fun for me. I am also becoming more organised in that I'm setting up a new website and will be moving my blog to its new home soon. I bought a new laptop and I am pleased to say that I set everything up successfully by myself. 

I know that I have a long way to go before I can make money from my craft. But I feel that I really don't have much of an option now that I know what my calling is. I am clear that I need to write but it is possible to make money out of writing in a variety of ways. Enlisting the help of a coach is my way of forcing myself to move forward and select the right option. 

I am most passionate writing about wellness and making sure that your career is aligned to your values and your passions, not necessarily your strengths. It's inappropriate to build a career on weaknesses but it is also possible to be good at something and to not enjoy it. I am organised and efficient but admin is my kryptonite. 

I'm a proponent of building your career from what you love. That is the key to happiness and a fulfilling life. If you are searching for meaning, your work has to be fulfilling. Have you understood yourself well enough to know what your passions are? Is your working life aligned to what you love? If not, what are you going to do about it?   

One Chance?

I watched a lovely movie this week called One Chance. It's a true sorry about the discovery of unlikely opera star, Paul Potts. From a child he had an unrelenting talent for singing and he always knew that opera was his destiny. At one point in the movie he suffers a setback in his journey when he gets criticism for lacking confidence. He almost gives up and tries to live the life his father wants for him but it's no use, the passion is too strong.  

I've been thinking about how hard it is to remain focussed on your destiny in the face of rejection or doubt. I am mainly focussed on recovery now but I cannot ignore the fact that I have no income. I have resigned from my business in order to spend more time recovering. I can't embark on something new when I only have a few hours a day to dedicate to it. I'm pretty much an all or nothing person and I'm not very good at half measures. If I can't run ultra-marathons, I probably wont run at all. I'll throw myself into something that I can really succeed at but only once I can. In the interim I need to focus all of my attention on getting well and getting enough rest. It is hard, however, not to worry about how I will make money out of my talent and whether I'll have to sell out and get a dreaded job again. 

The movie ends with Paul Potts being selected from Britain's Got Talent and ultimately winning the competition. After a lifetime of struggles he is finally living his destiny, proving all the naysayers wrong. When changing career paths, I think it is vitally important to remember stories like this. As if it's not enough that we battle our own inner critic on a daily basis, but there are plenty of people out there ready to give us a plethora of reasons why not to follow our dreams. It is only your true friends who believe in you despite the interim setbacks on the way to your dream. 

Watch the Paul Potts first audition by clicking here. I love how he is so unassuming, the very thing he was criticised for when he almost lost hope. I think his humility is part of his charm. There is a lesson in that for all of us - being true to ourselves and persisting to bring the passion that lives within us to life. 

What dreams have you given up on? What passions are you yet to bring to the world?

Finding Homeostasis

So what does it mean to be officially in remission from Graves’ disease? It is my feeling that I have made great progress from the worst I felt during October and November last year until now. In only four months of medication, I have reached a stage where my body confirms my recovery. It is clear to me that I did not get to this state with only the medication. I have applied myself with my usual focus and discipline in ensuring that my health is restored. I made use of my self-care roster to force myself to sleep and meditate and I indulged in a multitude of alternative healing practices. I also had a lot of people praying for me. Mind, body and soul are now in alignment.

I am pleased with the news of being in remission but it doesn’t seem so convincing to me. Sure, I feel much better than I did last year. But I’m not completely well. I don’t have enough energy to work even for five hours at a stretch, even on activities that I enjoy. I am certainly not in a position to enter the workplace again.

My health has certainly been deteriorating for years, with a major trigger being a traumatic event in February 2012. I’ve been wondering about the point at which I started to tip over the classification of being ‘sick’. Homeostasis is defined to be:

the tendency of a system, especially the physiological system of higher animals, to maintain internal stability, owing to the coordinated response of its parts to any situation or stimulus that would tend to disturb its normal  condition or function.

So when will my system be back to its ‘normal condition or function’? I’ve started measuring how many hours a day I can work as my own measure.  My definition of being fully functional will be when I can work for seven hours a day and be able to enjoy my children and fit in some exercise. That will be my metric because the medical fraternity will certainly not be able to give me a time or any other measure.

I know that I still need my afternoon naps, even though they rob me of some productive hours. I know that it’s not the time for me to resume running. I’m doing yoga at the moment which I’m really enjoying. It is both healing and challenging so it suits my needs of recovery and to strive for perfection.

I do feel as though I’m entering a new phase of recovery now. My health is coming right and although I still need to take care, I’d like to shift my focus to my future. According to my thinking, I have been exceedingly patient in allowing myself to recover and to not worry too much about my future career. We all know that my passion is writing but I have not yet made any concrete plans as to how my career will look going forward. It frightens me to not know, but at least I am sure of what I do know: cubicles will be the death of me.

I have found a wonderful coach who also practices healing. I’m certain that she will be a key part of the next phase of recovery for me. I’m hoping she can help guide me in the direction I’d like to go, helping me to define my path and create an income stream out of what I love to do. One of the current challenges for me is to understand that no income does not mean no value. I have an ingrained belief that I need to be a contributing member of society to be valuable. How I measure that value now needs to change.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you." ~ Lao Tzu

How Do You Restore Yourself?

In suffering from a stress-induced illness, I realise that I was not caring for myself properly. At the time of my worst symptoms it was really difficult for me to understand how this happened. A serious diagnosis leads to a great deal of introspection and self-exploration. In so doing, I have come to realise the sources of my stress and the things that drain my energy.

I have noticed that there are many people who are sufficiently aware that they need to recharge in order to avoid burning out. Someone I know runs an exclusive fashion boutique and she takes every Monday morning for herself to catch up on things and to get organised for the week. Another friend recently took herself away for the weekend to have a massage, strolls by the sea and a change of scenery. Someone else I know visits a health spa for a week a year just to escape the humdrum of life. My previous business coach took herself out to a movie now and then. In a previous post, I spoke of these actions as a firebreak, in specific reference to the women’s retreat I recently attended.

Having developed a stress-induced illness myself, I’m now much more aware and interested in those who are heading the same way. I have noticed a lot of people lately who are either in the midst of a burnout or are approaching it rapidly. No-one but themselves can adjust their lives or prevent them from developing major health concerns. If you are feeling close to burnout, take a step back and find a way to restore yourself. Even if it’s just half an hour in the day to listen to your favourite music or to do something you really enjoy doing. The effects of doing those small acts of self-care can be quite powerful over time.

I often wonder who is reading my blog and what they’re thinking. I would so love to hear from you and to hear about what methods you use to restore yourself. I see it as part of my research going forward in writing about my favourite topic: aligning with your life passion, and thereby increasing your joy. 

I have found that it’s tricky to get in touch with what you love after living a life of obligation for a long time. I was unable to answer the question “what are you passionate about?” for at least six months. Now I can say “writing”, “helping people” and “aligning your job with your talents” but there may be some more things that emerge in the next few months.

Personally I’m getting much closer to my future career, although I’m not quite there yet. One of the really important steps is to understand what you don’t enjoy or what drains you. Once you have identified that, you can no longer continue doing what you did before. Passion is a major ingredient to success and if you don’t have passion for what you’re doing, it’s not sustainable.  Being aware of how little energy I have now is actually a blessing because I’m clear that I can’t spend the few hours of energy I have on something I don’t enjoy. I need to spend my precious reserves on things that energise and restore me.

I’m shaping my life to remove things that detract from my happiness level and including things that increase it. I am still very constrained in terms of how much I can achieve but I try to look back to remind myself of how far I’ve come and to keep up the focus on healing and recovery if I want the future I have my sights on.

How Many Times are you Prepared to Fail?

I’m reading a book called Mindset by Prof Carol Dweck. She has a lovely TED talk on the subject. She speaks of two mindsets: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset where you believe that people can improve on their abilities, intelligence, talents etc. People of the growth mindset are far more inclined to try harder to learn, and aren't as afraid to fail, relative to those with a fixed mindset.

I’m always interested in what keeps people going after failures and why they persevere. I've read many entrepreneurial articles that encourage the reader to keep trying despite spectacular failures. They cite numerous examples of really famous and successful entrepreneurs who have failed many times before succeeding. Many authors have also written a number of books that failed to achieve anything before they really ‘made it big’.

Having managed a small business and failed to turn it around, I sometimes wonder what else I could have done or what I should have done differently. Truth be told, I should have been wiser at the outset but at least I am now. I spent almost five years in the business, struggling to bring my strategy to life and to take all elements from the 1980’s into the present: software, processes and mindsets. What a struggle that was and it still didn't result in a profitable business. Yes I learned a lot but I also failed at many things.

I’m not too fond of failure. I did well at school and I like to succeed. I’m not afraid of hard work but I do find the failures tough. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: ‘There’s no such thing as a failure, there are only lessons’. That may be so, but it doesn't make the ‘lessons’ any less difficult to live through.

It is daunting starting something new, knowing that it might not work. The next job I take on, or the next project I start might not be successful. My book might be an utter disaster, only purchased by my friends. But what are my options? I can’t give up. I can’t hide in a corporate cubicle as I will surely perish. I simply have to give it a try. And I may well fail many times over. My main focus will be that I’m doing what I love and that I manage my failures wisely and take the lessons without feeling defeated.

I want to follow my passion and make sure each day has something enjoyable in it. I want to have time for my children and time for myself to reflect and to grow myself. I want to ensure my week includes something creative and something just for me. If I imagine a life like this, it may not bring in a lot of money but I will be happy and that will be worth it.

Thinking of the opposite where I bring in a lot of money but I’m tied to other people’s dreams, deliverables or passions, is simply not an option for me. I live my life for me now. I invest my time and energy in those closest to me and in things that will bear fruit. If I don’t get EROI (Energy Return on Investment) from someone or something, it won’t feature.

If I think about the amount of work that goes into writing a book, and the risk that it might be a failure, it can be quite discouraging. But it’s probably only through the practice of writing a lot, that I’ll improve enough to succeed. Hard work and perseverance in activities that induce flow and energise me, will be key ingredients to a successful and happy life in future. Failing along the way is just part of the journey I guess. 

Stumbling on Grumpy

Daniel Gilbert is a well-known author of the book Stumbling On Happiness. I've just finished it and to be honest, I’m not sure why he’s so renowned. Gilbert spends the entire book explaining why we are wrong. We can’t predict what will make us happy, our memories are flawed and we can’t even see straight. There is no question that his writing style is entertaining and he has a great sense of humour but I’m really not sure that his chosen topic is ideal, given his outlook.

Anyone who chooses to read a book about happiness, is probably wanting to be happier. Even the process of reading the book made me unhappy as I counted the pages towards the end. I’d favour reading The How of Happiness or the The Happiness Project if you want to work on being happier.

The basic tenet of Gilbert’s book is that we are highly incapable of predicting our future emotions. But why is that so important? Certainly, if we are about to make a big life decision, we’d like to make sure it will bring us happiness. He shows in the research that it’s more accurate to ask someone else in that position how happy it makes them. But no-one can truly be completely in the position you wish to full as they are not you. 

If you know yourself well, you will know what you like, you know where you want to live or who you want to marry or what career to follow. Imagine me asking a writer if it’s fun and basing my future career on that. Wouldn't I be the fool?

I’m expending a great deal of time and effort into knowing my strengths and weaknesses, talents and desires. Once those are completely clear, I can formulate options for my new career, try them out and make a decision. I’m all for talking to people to understand the pros and cons of any role and what others find challenging and rewarding. I like to obtain views from others as my leadership style is affiliatory. But no-one comes with my experiences, background, culture, beliefs, fears, talents and dreams.

Now that I’m finished his book, it’s time to shake things up again. Happiness is not found in monotony, especially for someone right-brained. As mentioned in my previous post, I believe creativity to be one of the key paths to finding yourself and your life passion. My original search for books on how to find your passion yielded few results. But I did come across a book called ‘The Artists Way’, written by Julia Cameron who helps people connect with their innate talents and their creativity. I’m really excited about it and I’m hoping it will unlock something in me that will lead to some real personal growth. 

Follow Your Bliss

I’m crazy about Masterchef Australia for a number of reasons. I am, of course, really interested in people who have the courage to switch paths, sometimes quite late in life. It’s so interesting to see how the contestants often comment on how they have grown as a person so much more than they anticipated. They entered the competition to gain skills and a head-start in becoming a chef. Not only do they all (not only the winner) pick up new skills in their chosen profession, but they push themselves to grow. In doing so, they discover a profound flow experience in the creation of food. It is a creative exercise and requires imagination, skill and knowledge. What an amazing journey they are taken on and it’s no wonder there are tears as each contestant is eliminated from the competition.

One of the judges this week used the phrase ‘follow your bliss’ and that really sums up my intention for this blog. What is it that inspires you to be great? What would you give up your everyday life for in order to experience? What is your bliss?

For me, my bliss is writing. There are many jobs that incorporate writing and I know that my journey ahead includes a lot of it. As well as writing, I can find flow in other things, usually creative pursuits such as playing piano and drawing.

I've realised lately that I don’t have a sense of entitlement that many people have. Perhaps it’s my upbringing or something within me that pushes me to prioritise the needs of others above my own. That’s something I need to work on and I’ll need to teach myself that I’m also entitled to things. Primarily, I’m entitled to have a job that is blissful. I’m entitled to love what I do and to gain a great deal of enjoyment from my everyday work. As long as it’s not to the detriment of anyone else, that’s not asking too much. That’s just making the most of living.

But why do so many people stay in jobs that are not fulfilling? Is it because they don’t know themselves enough to know what they want or need? Is it because they don’t feel entitled? Is it because they are afraid to lose something – usually a regular income? Is it because they feel afraid of being judged by others?

Changing careers late in life does take courage. It takes confidence and self-knowledge in order to go down a new path. You’ll need to defend your decision to the nay-sayers that inevitably will try to make you feel as if you’re making a mistake. Centre yourself, take a deep breath, and follow the path. Trust yourself enough to know that it’s only you who can define your path, or at least the path you want. And who knows what magical delights await.

I've come to realise that creativity is a great tool in discovering your talents and in getting to know yourself. None of us can escape being creative, in what we wear, how we do make-up and accessorise as well as the words we choose to express ourselves. We are all creative and the more we explore our creative side, the closer we get to knowing our true selves and what our talents are. This I believe to be a powerful tool in self-discovery. So dance, sing, paint or do whatever you feel expresses yourself fully.

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”  ~Joseph Campbell

  

Passion Pushers

I read an article today about how parents are doing their children a disservice by pushing them to find their passions. Pushing your kids to succeed in a way that helps them get the most out of themselves can be really beneficial. Pushing them to a point where they are unhappy or in negative stress, is just bad parenting.

I’m a huge fan of Elizabeth Gilbert. She knew that writing is what she wanted to do from early on in life. She has also commented on how some of her friends are multi-talented and how that can make it difficult to find your passion. Each path is probably worth exploring, at least a little until you’re ready to make a choice. Ideally, that choice should not be based on how much money you can make, or pressure from anyone, but rather on how you find meaning. 

People discover their passions at varying stages of their lives. I have enjoyed many areas in my past and currently my career path is changing, half way through my career. It might not even end up being that different from my past, but I will be sure that it’s implemented on purpose.  When my parents where choosing a career the options went something like doctor, dentist, lawyer, teacher, secretary. Now, the mere options are inexhaustible and with technology shaping the world so dramatically, the future is open to so much more.

I remember being asked interview questions like “Where will you be in ten years’ time?” I always thought that it’s a ridiculous question because we simply cannot predict the opportunities that come our way. That seems like quite a reactive thought to have, but early on in my career I found it difficult to have a strong vision. Only once I really had exposure to the things I enjoyed and didn't enjoy, did I start to form an idea of where I’m going. Now I also realise that I may not have pursued the correct passion, although I've had success. The Best Possible Future Self I developed at age 25 would look really different from the one I've created recently. 

It can be a minefield to navigate, and a decision can only be made once you know yourself well. I believe it takes courage to change career paths since it challenges your identity and how people see you. But it's naive to expect to know everything at the start. 

This week I watched a documentary on the band Queen. Watching footage of how they found inspiration for some famous songs, was truly amazing. The reading I've done on finding your flow emphasises the need for concentration, and typically that needs to happen while you’re alone. How wonderful that a group of four people, each bringing their special talents to the mix, can participate in a flow experience regularly to create something so beautiful.

I suppose I have had discussions in my work environment with Software Developers where we debated and discussed the solutions, and together found a great result that we could not have accomplished alone. Being a Managing Director does not accommodate that kind of flow experience unfortunately. Perhaps the Peter Principle is not the issue but rather the principle where you are promoted out of your flow. Maybe that’s why management is so grumpy and demanding.

Finding your passion can be automatic or it can take decades. As a parent, my role is to nurture them and to facilitate their path, not to push in a direction that I see. I'd like to be an enabler to them and if they take 30 years to find their passion, it was faster than me.

Finding flow can be a challenging exercise, that can take a really long time. No-one can really push you there – you do have to find it yourself. At 40 years old I’m still exploring aspects of myself, discovering what I loved when I was younger, and formulating ideas on what my future could look like. Although I’m not known for my patience, I believe rushing things would be a big mistake. My priority now is to recover to full health and while doing so, experience more things that I enjoy. Hopefully along the way my future career passion will come to light.

Do What You Love

What do you want to do every day for the rest of your life? Is it your current job, or what you spend a large amount of your time on? If not, it’s time to make a change, no excuses! 

That’s easy to say, but speaking from personal experience, I am frustrated that I didn't make a change earlier. Sure, I don’t really know what I’m going to do next but I have formulated some ideas so far. My main approach is to include flow experiences in my day as much as possible. I’m going to make sure that my next job contains one or more of them. Yes, I know that I won’t be teaching piano or sketching but those things are fun to explore and I enjoy the creative outlet.

It is hard to make a change. There may be some of you thinking that I was spoilt to inherit a business that I didn't have to create. But living someone else's dream is not fulfilling. I built the business more (on purpose) than the previous management ever did. I've sacrificed millions in earnings over the past years than if I'd stayed in a corporate job. But it's not money that I'm after, it's really living and relishing my work. 

Being a business owner sounds like such freedom but it’s actually very hard to exit a business when you’re the owner.  It sounds fun in that you can make all the decisions. But you often don’t have anyone to lean on or to bounce ideas off. It’s also really hard to restructure or sell when you realise that it just won’t work, no matter how hard you try.

Personally I always like to put in measures to prevent mistakes from happening again. 

That’s one of my strengths. I've been thinking a lot about how I could have prevented myself from getting a life-long health condition. Why didn't I spot the signs? The short answer is that I could not have done anything. The long answer includes the fact that I would always have doubted my decision to restructure and change direction if I had not taken myself so far. I had to push myself over the edge into being incapacitated, in order to be convinced that I've given it my all. No-one can tell me that I didn't try hard enough. No-one can call me a quitter. I will never say that the business took from me because I gave it willingly, and also, of course, a business is inanimate! The point is, I gave it my best shot and it didn't work. Now, I need take the lessons and make sure my future is structured differently.   

I really enjoyed the TED talk by Gary Vaynerchuk in that he’s just so comfortable in himself. He doesn't look like he’s doubting whether he’s doing the right thing. That confidence is enviable. And he has such a good point – don’t ever spend valuable years of your life doing something you don’t enjoy!

The variety of careers and jobs is more varied today than ever before. Options are what give us freedom, the freedom to pick the work we love. I don’t want to go back to being the stressed, grumpy, unhappy person I was last year. Even after a hard day, I want to be able to giggle with my kids and have the knowledge that in my heart I know I’m following my passion. I owe that to my family, my friends, to God, and mostly to myself.

What is Your Contribution to this World?

Many have identified that contribution greatly improves the quality of our own lives. Robin Sharma, in The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’ says ‘The quality of your life ultimately comes down to the quality of your contribution’. Tony Robbins identifies the fact that contribution-related goals, are the ‘most inspiring, compelling goals of all’.

This blog is about finding my life passion. In looking at all aspects of my life, most areas already bring me a great deal of joy. The area that has always been a source of stress is my work life. I'm wondering if I followed the right path to begin with, since success doesn't necessarily equal happiness. I know that my focus needs to be on aligning my work with my passions, and this blog is documenting the journey to a future where I'm fully recovered and living my career passion. 

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” - Confucius

For some, work is not the path to happiness. There are those who don’t have formal employment or a career to speak of. But that does not mean you can’t have a life passion. At some point in our lives, we begin to wonder what it’s all about. Why are we on this Earth and what is our purpose? Some may have a calling that has always been obvious. Some have been really smart and aligned their work with their passion. Some people are committed to raising their children to be responsible, independent adults with strong values. Some focus their efforts on their church and in improving their community. I believe the important thing is that we know what our purpose is, and that we are living it. Without that, it’s hard to have a truly fulfilling life.

I don’t want to wish for retirement. Not wishing time away is a fairly large challenge for me at the moment since my new life can’t begin until I’m well, and of course, until I've figured out what my new life looks like. But I do know that I want to savour each day and want to enjoy the journey towards my end. And I want to make a difference, leaving something of value behind. 

If we're focussed on becoming wealthy but are not contributing in some way, or doing something meaningful, that can be quite empty. I left the corporate world because I felt that there was no meaning in the work I was doing each day. I wanted to be in a place where I could effect positive change in people's lives.

One of the strategies to help us identify our passion is to think about our legacy. What will you be remembered for? I’m not so good at charity so my contribution will be different. Being a good parent is a large part of what I’d like to leave behind. And another part includes being an advocate for living your passion. The quality of our lives can be so much improved if we are enjoying what we spend the majority of our time doing. Typically a by-product of enjoying what we do is making a difference to someone in some way. And that’s good enough for me.