Are you Learning the Lessons?

Sometimes I wonder why I seem to be experiencing the same thing in a different form. And I have noticed those around me having similar experiences over and over. One cannot help wondering if we’re being given a lesson that we keep failing to learn.

In my corporate days I had a wonderful team of staff. We all worked together well with a similar outlook on the kind process and effort required to deliver high quality software. One of the contractors I hired into my team wanted to change job function. I gave her the opportunity to learn the new role, with my mentoring and support. She blossomed and was a solid member of the team within a short while. We had a lot of trouble keeping a good Project Manager, however, and finally we got one who was good. She was no nonsense but seemed to connect well with the team members and delivered well on the timelines. These two women were a similar age and started going out in the evenings together.

Within a short period of time the Project Manager started to challenge my leadership and drove a wedge between me and some team members, in particular her new friend. I could not believe what a betrayal it was when I had given her the chance and support to change direction in her career. I had done nothing but support her and a newcomer was able to poison her against me within a few weeks. I felt so disappointed by the other team members who didn’t have the courage to stand by their convictions in what they had confided to me about her.

I raised the issue with my manager, looking for some advice. His first comment was ‘get rid of her’, referring to the rotten apple Project Manager. My instinct was to be professional and to keep the Project Manager for the sake of the projects. My manager found it really suspicious that my integrity was strong enough to put the organisation above my dispute with this woman. In retrospect, not getting rid of her was a really big mistake because the longer she stayed, the more she created dissent and a divided team is not a productive team.  Needless to say, my legacy in that particular organisation far surpassed that of the Project Manager’s. Breaking up cohesive teams is not a strategy that can endure for long.

In the ‘family’ business that I ran for the past five years I had a rotten apple as well. She resisted me and challenged my authority from the moment I entered the business. Granted, no-one bothered to tell any of the staff that I was the new leader. But still, the resistance, underhanded sabotage and negative influence on others persisted for years. I should have weeded her out at the outset as it would have changed the entire dynamic of the business going forward.

I have always been a person who hires for attitude because skills can be learned. Inheriting people that were hired by the previous leadership can be really challenging, especially in our labour environment where it’s really difficult to fire someone. I have learned the lesson that a rotten apple or a toxic element in your environment is one of the most harmful things. To the team, to the business and to the leader, particularly a sensitive person. I don’t think I’ll be in an office environment again because it’s just not for me. But at least I have learned the lesson.

If I ever initiate or take over a business, I’ve learned that the first step is to root out any toxic elements. Once you have a team of motivated positive people, you can achieve almost anything.  

Have you noticed any trends in your life? Do you tend to have the same conflicts or the same issues arise again and again? What lessons do you think you’re supposed to be learning?

How Many Times are you Prepared to Fail?

I’m reading a book called Mindset by Prof Carol Dweck. She has a lovely TED talk on the subject. She speaks of two mindsets: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset where you believe that people can improve on their abilities, intelligence, talents etc. People of the growth mindset are far more inclined to try harder to learn, and aren't as afraid to fail, relative to those with a fixed mindset.

I’m always interested in what keeps people going after failures and why they persevere. I've read many entrepreneurial articles that encourage the reader to keep trying despite spectacular failures. They cite numerous examples of really famous and successful entrepreneurs who have failed many times before succeeding. Many authors have also written a number of books that failed to achieve anything before they really ‘made it big’.

Having managed a small business and failed to turn it around, I sometimes wonder what else I could have done or what I should have done differently. Truth be told, I should have been wiser at the outset but at least I am now. I spent almost five years in the business, struggling to bring my strategy to life and to take all elements from the 1980’s into the present: software, processes and mindsets. What a struggle that was and it still didn't result in a profitable business. Yes I learned a lot but I also failed at many things.

I’m not too fond of failure. I did well at school and I like to succeed. I’m not afraid of hard work but I do find the failures tough. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: ‘There’s no such thing as a failure, there are only lessons’. That may be so, but it doesn't make the ‘lessons’ any less difficult to live through.

It is daunting starting something new, knowing that it might not work. The next job I take on, or the next project I start might not be successful. My book might be an utter disaster, only purchased by my friends. But what are my options? I can’t give up. I can’t hide in a corporate cubicle as I will surely perish. I simply have to give it a try. And I may well fail many times over. My main focus will be that I’m doing what I love and that I manage my failures wisely and take the lessons without feeling defeated.

I want to follow my passion and make sure each day has something enjoyable in it. I want to have time for my children and time for myself to reflect and to grow myself. I want to ensure my week includes something creative and something just for me. If I imagine a life like this, it may not bring in a lot of money but I will be happy and that will be worth it.

Thinking of the opposite where I bring in a lot of money but I’m tied to other people’s dreams, deliverables or passions, is simply not an option for me. I live my life for me now. I invest my time and energy in those closest to me and in things that will bear fruit. If I don’t get EROI (Energy Return on Investment) from someone or something, it won’t feature.

If I think about the amount of work that goes into writing a book, and the risk that it might be a failure, it can be quite discouraging. But it’s probably only through the practice of writing a lot, that I’ll improve enough to succeed. Hard work and perseverance in activities that induce flow and energise me, will be key ingredients to a successful and happy life in future. Failing along the way is just part of the journey I guess.