How Resilient Are You?

I’m officially in remission for a month now but have still been feeling really tired. I keep wondering what it will take to address this fatigue and just how much longer I’ll be struggling. I look so forward to the days where I don’t need to have an afternoon nap to survive as it really does take time out of the day. I’d love to do yoga a few times a week and be relaxed about going out more than once a day.

I’ve finished reading the book The Resilience Factor and I found it to be really helpful. In the design of a happy life, resilience is really vital. No-one can have a life without adversities, and it’s how we handle them that defines our happiness. The book provides a range of strategies to combat flawed thinking and poor responses when things go wrong. I found it to be really practical and powerful in helping to manage life’s blows, although I cannot say that I have mastered all the skills.

The book states “First you must become aware of the kind of person you are, and that means examining your deep beliefs and values about yourself, your world, and your place in it.” The authors urge us to identify the thinking patterns that are holding us back and to challenge our limiting beliefs.

As I’ve mentioned before, in designing a happy life and pursuing your passion, it is imperative that you know yourself first. Knowing yourself in this book’s context is about how you think and getting to understand your beliefs. By listening to the narrator in your head during adversities, you can uncover why you are reacting the way you are, and challenge beliefs in order to have a more appropriate response. Examples of how we think is whether we attribute problems to ourselves or to others and whether we feel that the issue affects everything in our lives and will always be there. How much control we feel we have over the problem plays a role, as does our level of optimism and our ability to accurately assess the situation. Resilient people are able to derive meaning from failure and feel empowered to take action.

Some of our beliefs are well-known to us but many are deep-rooted and difficult to uncover. Some of the self-development work I have been doing lately involves challenging beliefs that do not serve me. There are a few healing modalities such as Theta Healing® that help you to uncover these beliefs and even replace them with more constructive ones. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, the negative self-talk and our inner critic can be really harmful and needs to be addressed if you want a happy life.  

The person who has helped me the most in my healing journey has to be Meryl. She is skilled in a variety of healing modalities that appear quite complex to me. I must confess that I am confused about all the modalities that she practices but this time we worked on limiting beliefs, those that lurk far beneath the surface and that are affecting my energy levels.

The relief that I felt and still feel after visiting Meryl is nothing short of magical. In a one hour session she seems to have lifted a great burden and I feel far less fatigued. I must admit that if anyone said this kind of thing to me I’d probably roll my eyes and think them a little loopy. But nevertheless, that was my experience. I am yet to fully understand what she does and I’d love to write a blog post on it to give you more details but that will be for another time.

Boosting our resilience through challenging limiting beliefs remains a powerful method of personal growth, regardless of the method used. Since our beliefs govern our behaviours which can have dramatic impacts on our relationships, it’s worth knowing under what context we are acting. Knowing yourself allows you to be better equipped to handle life’s challenges and to manage the stress before it becomes serious.

Do you understand your thinking style? Do you tend to jump to conclusions in your thinking, or to mind read? What beliefs are holding you back from being the best you can be? What are the beliefs costing you and are you prepared to challenge them?

Healing Series Part 1: Body Stress Release

In this healing series, I’ll explain the various healing practices that I’ve experienced and what I gained from them. I truly believe that in taking an active role in healing myself that I have sped up my recovery. Today’s topic is called Body Stress Release, or BSR for short.

Even before I became ill I met a wonderful lady called Lourentia at a business networking breakfast. I have since abandoned the networking breakfasts but it was a real blessing to meet such a quality person. I have been going to her sporadically for many years and at stressful times, ironically, I scaled back on the visits. After my diagnosis of my stress-induced auto-immune disease, I started going for BSR again.

Lourentia asks me each time where I feel discomfort or pain in my body. In the past I’d have aches and pains due to running injuries or stiffness. Since my diagnosis, I usually just feel tired, and not surprisingly have a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. So I tell her all the areas that ail me so that she knows where to focus her efforts.

I take off only my shoes and then lie face down on a treatment table, much like the ones used for massage. I can breathe through the hole in the table my feet must dangle off the edge of the table. Lourentia then begins her treatment by putting her hands onto my back. She gets a feel of where the body needs work and goes ahead with the treatment. You are required to turn onto your back midway during the treatment in order to access all parts of the body. 

Just as the name suggests, the premise of BSR is to release, by small touches to pressure points, the stress that is trapped in various parts of the body. The practitioner tests for stress in many areas of the body and then works to release it. They use the feet as a means to monitor the effects of what they implement. I feel sensations in my body as Lourentia performs the releases, almost like a little ripple of something travelling up my spine or down my legs. Sometimes the pressure needs to be quite hard and the points can be quite tender but overall it is a very pleasant experience and something that has helped me a great deal.

Being an ultra-marathon runner I have a strong belief in the mind-body connection as it is very clear that your mind tides you through the end of a tough race. This connection has been even more evident to me this year as I’ve understood how stress has caused my body to turn on itself. Thankfully I am in remission now and the feedback from Lourentia also points to a much greater recovery since last year.

There are many ways in which BSR can help improve your overall health such as better posture, released tension in the neck, shoulders and back and even things like sinus. There are no side effects and it is a non-invasive treatment. I have benefited from BSR in treating a variety of ailments but in current times, to diminish the stress held in my body, particularly neck and shoulders. It must be said that with the many healing experiences I'm undergoing, it's difficult to attribute improvement to one discipline but overall, my sinus is not nearly as bad as it usually is during winter and my immune system is getting stronger. 

If you are interested, you can read more about Body Stress Release here: http://www.bodystressrelease.com/home/3

Alternative Medicine – Homeopathy

I had always been quite suspicious about alternative healing practices and practitioners until 2012. I was the mother of a three month old baby and as expected was sleep-deprived and pretty stressed. Labour law in our country specifies that mothers are entitled to four months of maternity leave, paid or unpaid. I was working in our ‘family’ business at that time and as a business owner, there’s really no such thing as maternity leave. I recall having meetings at my house feeling so frazzled that it was difficult to concentrate. I had to issue instructions from my home office and keep up to pace with client requests and insubordination from a staff member who challenged my decisions to modernise the business.

After three months, I went back to work, despite being highly emotional about leaving my tiny baby at a preschool. I elected to work half days for the first two weeks so that I could manage with the discomfort of feeding and to ensure my baby adjusted to the new routine. On 1 February 2012, my first full day back at work, I had a cold and was feeling awful. I didn’t feel justified in staying home, given the fact that customer billing was due in the first few days of the month. Mid-morning an irate family member attacked the office with a hammer and a screwdriver as a result of a marital dispute.

Being the only person of authority around, I had to confront her to try to calm the situation down and to mitigate the damage to the business. Furniture was thrown around, computers smashed, signage ripped off the front gate, pot plants tipped over and various places smashed with the hammer. When I confronted her I was verbally abused and the hammer was smashed against the wall within a metre from my head. By the wild look in her eye, I was concerned about not surviving the day or being permanently brain damaged. I thought of my little baby and how my husband would manage with our two kids in the event of my death or disability. The violence of the situation was truly a traumatic event, at a time when I was already fragile.

For the six months or so that followed the event, I had a series of colds and flu that hit me with regularity that was disturbing. I picked up every conceivable virus that came my way due to exposure from a little child at preschool and a weakened immune system. I literally had a few days in between illnesses where I was OK and then I would get sick again. I was obviously under a great deal of stress in dealing with the situation itself and the aftermath in the office.

I had regularly visited a chiropractor to assist with my minor running injuries and alignment. I went to see her for the tension in my neck and shoulders as a result of the stress. I had told her about the traumatic event that I experienced and I was telling her all about my susceptibility to colds and flu while she treated me. She suggested that I might have adrenal fatigue and recommended that I visit a homeopath.

"Adrenal fatigue is a collection of signs and symptoms, known as a syndrome, that results when the adrenal glands function below the necessary level. Most commonly associated with intense or prolonged stress."

The adrenal glands on top of the kidneys are part of the endocrine system and they secrete adrenaline as part of the body’s response to stress. This article discusses the fight or flight response: http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/fear2.htm Part of this response to stress is to shut down the immune system in order to deal with the immediate danger.

I was sceptical about homeopathy but interested in her evaluation of my health and how she could treat me. She felt my pulse and looked at my tongue, punctuated with writing a few strange symbols on her notepad. She confirmed that I had adrenal fatigue and provided me with medication to treat it. I spent months treating the condition and slowly started to improve enough to resume running.

I had been to my standard doctor many times and the treatment for each cold focussed on only the one incidence and merely on the symptoms, not the underlying cause. As much as I think western medicine is important and cannot be abandoned, I had discovered a solution and was being treated holistically for the first time.It is no surprise for me that a diagnosis of Graves’ disease is a malfunction of the endocrine system, also where the adrenals fall, and an auto-immune disease initiated by stress. I had been heading towards the diagnosis this year even as far back as 2012.

I’m open to new experiences and I find them energising.  With such a serious diagnosis I have been more than willing to investigate and explore as many alternative healing practices as I can. I have found some treatments more effective for me personally than others but I believe it is a matter of what resonates with you and also what ails you. In the coming weeks I’ll be doing a series on healing practices to share my experiences.

Particularly for the sceptics, you may get a kick out of this fun clip poking fun at homeopathy.  

Meditation for the Layman

I am currently reading The Resilience Factor by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatté. The book has some wonderful strategies to build resilience – a vital skill for the Highly Sensitive Person and for those susceptible to stress. One of the strategies the authors suggest is controlled breathing when you find yourself in the midst of an adversity. By taking deep breaths and by concentrating on your breathing, you reduce your heart rate; increase the amount of oxygen in the brain (for better decision making) and minimise the risk of an amygdala hijack. 

In this blog I have mentioned the fact that meditation has helped me in my healing journey of my stress-induced condition. I want to make one thing really clear however: I’m no expert. I’m trying to obtain the benefits of mindfulness and to implement calming strategies.  For the average person who has never tried meditating, it can be daunting. I found this article to be a great help on how to get started.

The strategy I use is simple: focus on my breathing and ensure that my belly rises as I breathe in, and falls as I breathe out. I downloaded an app on my phone in order to guide me initially. There are a few apps providing soothing music and some guidance in an ever-so-calming voice.

Now that I’ve become more accustomed to it, I simply use my timer on my phone which I have increased from the initial two minutes to ten or fifteen minutes. I focus on my breathing and try to clear my mind. That is the trickiest part and the more stressed and busy you are, the harder it is but also the more necessary it is too. At times I wonder if I've dozed off because I seem to be close to sleep. I'm not sure whether or not that is supposed to happen but it can't be harmful.  

“Why is it I always get my best ideas while shaving?” – Albert Einstein

Many people seem to solve problems or get ideas in the shower. Back in university I used to solve my programming defects almost as soon as I got into the shower. Perhaps when the mind relaxes, solutions are easily found. I encountered this fun list of reasons why we get our best ideas in the shower.

This phenomenon seems to happen to me when I start to mediate as well. All sorts of solutions come to mind for things that have been troubling me. If you’re thinking that I’m not doing it correctly, you’re probably right. It is a great struggle for me to clear the mind and I don’t always get it right. But I figure that even if I get it right for a few minutes of the ten, it’s helping me to be calmer and to restore order in a stressed and busy life.

One of my strengths is to implement strategies to mitigate the risk of problems recurring. I wish I’d known before I got sick, how important it is to still the mind and how much meditation helps to combat stress. If you are under strain I’d highly recommend finding some time in your day to implement a meditation strategy that works for you.

How Do You Restore Yourself?

In suffering from a stress-induced illness, I realise that I was not caring for myself properly. At the time of my worst symptoms it was really difficult for me to understand how this happened. A serious diagnosis leads to a great deal of introspection and self-exploration. In so doing, I have come to realise the sources of my stress and the things that drain my energy.

I have noticed that there are many people who are sufficiently aware that they need to recharge in order to avoid burning out. Someone I know runs an exclusive fashion boutique and she takes every Monday morning for herself to catch up on things and to get organised for the week. Another friend recently took herself away for the weekend to have a massage, strolls by the sea and a change of scenery. Someone else I know visits a health spa for a week a year just to escape the humdrum of life. My previous business coach took herself out to a movie now and then. In a previous post, I spoke of these actions as a firebreak, in specific reference to the women’s retreat I recently attended.

Having developed a stress-induced illness myself, I’m now much more aware and interested in those who are heading the same way. I have noticed a lot of people lately who are either in the midst of a burnout or are approaching it rapidly. No-one but themselves can adjust their lives or prevent them from developing major health concerns. If you are feeling close to burnout, take a step back and find a way to restore yourself. Even if it’s just half an hour in the day to listen to your favourite music or to do something you really enjoy doing. The effects of doing those small acts of self-care can be quite powerful over time.

I often wonder who is reading my blog and what they’re thinking. I would so love to hear from you and to hear about what methods you use to restore yourself. I see it as part of my research going forward in writing about my favourite topic: aligning with your life passion, and thereby increasing your joy. 

I have found that it’s tricky to get in touch with what you love after living a life of obligation for a long time. I was unable to answer the question “what are you passionate about?” for at least six months. Now I can say “writing”, “helping people” and “aligning your job with your talents” but there may be some more things that emerge in the next few months.

Personally I’m getting much closer to my future career, although I’m not quite there yet. One of the really important steps is to understand what you don’t enjoy or what drains you. Once you have identified that, you can no longer continue doing what you did before. Passion is a major ingredient to success and if you don’t have passion for what you’re doing, it’s not sustainable.  Being aware of how little energy I have now is actually a blessing because I’m clear that I can’t spend the few hours of energy I have on something I don’t enjoy. I need to spend my precious reserves on things that energise and restore me.

I’m shaping my life to remove things that detract from my happiness level and including things that increase it. I am still very constrained in terms of how much I can achieve but I try to look back to remind myself of how far I’ve come and to keep up the focus on healing and recovery if I want the future I have my sights on.

The Power of Novelty

I’m a strange combination of attributes I guess. I’m right-brained and creative but also I’m disciplined and focussed. I’m a great fan of structure and I tend to create order out of chaos wherever I go. But as much as I love and need routine, it’s really fun to break free occasionally. In the months, or years, where I was just trying to survive and not really living life, I just chugged away on the treadmill of my existence.

In the process of recovering I’m focussing on actively improving my quality of life and I’m forcing myself to try new things. Many of the things I have tried are in the interests of healing and today I’m trying a new approach called Theta Healing. I’ll report back on the various healing practices in another blog post in future.  

I also try to include novel experiences, apart from healing, in order to make me feel more alive. Last week I tried something called fish therapy for the first time. You place your feet in a warm tank full of fish who feed off dry skin. The tickling sensation is rather fun and the mere novelty was really enjoyable. I don’t think I’ll do it often but it was well worth a try.

I believe that creativity and novel experiences greatly enhance recovery and stimulate self-improvement. On the weekend I tried a new technique called Zentangle. The teacher spoke of its various benefits such as having a calming effect. She has no awareness of the concept of flow but I suspect Zentangle is a flow-inducing activity. You have to concentrate, you lose track of time and it can be all-consuming. I've already done a few more since the class and have some ideas about larger scale drawings incorporating the technique.

Many people on a growth path or having a ‘mid-life crisis’ try new experiences and buy themselves fun toys like sports cars and Harley Davidson motorcycles. I can see how the thrill of something new stimulates people and helps them to feel like a kid again. Many people have developed a Bucket List from the concept in the movie of the same name. 

These activities can include travel to new places as well as daring activities such as sky diving. Considering the fact that I’m suffering from a stress-related illness, I’m not seeking any thrills and extra adrenalin is not welcome in my body right now. I prefer to focus on creative experiences as well as seeing new things, in different places or even while shopping in places I haven’t visited before.

I made sure on my weekend away at the beginning of this month, that I walked around the town, observing as much as I could. The town we visited is well known for art and the many galleries and stores displaying crafts were really stimulating for me. That’s despite dragging around two little ones who wanted to touch everything and who kept asking ‘when are we going?’ every few seconds.

I have found that new experiences help me feel more awake and help me to notice the things around me. It is helping me live my life more fully. I couldn't think of anything worse for me than to be trapped in a cubicle or office every day all day. I want to be experiencing something new, having flow experiences regularly and stretching my consciousness. I’m confident that it will help me be a better, happier person, at home and at work.  

Synchronicity - Meaningful Co-incidence

I received some news yesterday that my thyroid is now functioning normally. It doesn't mean that I’m out of the woods yet as I’m not in remission and I still do feel very tired. My challenge now is to ensure I don’t get carried away and overdo it. I also need to make sure those around me don’t assume that I’ll be back to my normal self, however long ago that was.

You may have noticed that I haven’t been writing as much. There are a few reasons: school holidays, a long weekend away and just having a few too many commitments. I volunteered to write for an online magazine and the editor asked for a submission. I think I have been procrastinating in writing and submitting an article and it has taken me a few days to realise why. Isn't this just what I was wanting – the opportunity to publish my writing? But somehow when the opportunity arose, I doubted myself, questioned my worth as a writer and got anxious about the criticism. 

I submitted an article yesterday and await feedback eagerly. It is a leap of faith and it does take some courage to put myself out there. I have now given someone else the opportunity to criticise and reject my work. But as I've said in a previous post, there is power in vulnerability. In order to grow and expand my skills, I need feedback and I’m ready to take the leap. And yes, the possibility exists that it will not be published or will need to be reworked, but the mere submission is a step forward in my view.

I've been faithfully doing my Artist’s Way exercises and I believe the process to be a truly remarkable one. What is amazing to me is that each week what the author predicts will happen, truly unfolds. This week she predicted Carl Jung’s principle of synchronicity, or meaningful co-incidences, to emerge. In reading about the possibility that my wishes are being granted, it would be irresponsible not to respond. So it has indeed been perfect timing to have the opportunity to submit this article.

Something that has become evident to me is that things don’t feel right for me if I’m not writing. I have had this realisation in the past week or so where I have not written enough. Writing is a cathartic outlet for me and an opportunity to express myself in ways that I usually would not. It is so clear to me now that I need to write daily and my future career must include writing.

Many people around me have been commenting on how much better I am lately. I appear to be improving by the week. Last week I felt despondent and frustrated in thinking about a recovery period of months to come. With the news of my improved health and with those around me noticing an improvement, I feel encouraged and motivated to continue on my path. I have come to realise that my Self-Care Roster is a central part of my recovery. I was advised against it by some well-meaning people but I have found that it meets my need to make progress.

My improvement currently coincides with the onset of winter in the Southern Hemisphere. For those blessed with a sunny climate, it can be quite depressing to see the days become shorter and the temperature dropping. We, by no means, have a harsh winter but there is a marked change. I worked in South East Asia in my past and found it remarkable how the temperature didn't change much. As great as the warm weather all year around was, I quite missed the opportunity to wear my boots, scarves and winter coats. When the temperature is fairly constant, you don’t get to experience the optimism of spring. This was why I chose to get married in September, with the excitement of fresh start and new beginnings.

Perhaps my illness is entering its winter and by spring I’ll be fully renewed.

Exercise and Well-Being

Something I’ve been grappling with lately is that I can’t really exercise. I can’t exercise like I’m used to – running about five days a week and training for big scary goals. Currently, I can’t even walk up a steep hill without feeling exhausted. I’m now one of those people who will circle the parking lot, looking for the closest spot near the entrance.  To the average bystander, I just look lazy.

I’m used to being fit and I’m used to my weight being fairly static. Now, I’m deliberately slowing down my metabolism with medication and I can’t exercise. It’s not that I’m just feeling the symptoms of Graves’ disease, being fatigue. I’m totally and utterly depleted from stress. When your body has invoked an auto-immune attack, you have to rebuild your energy reserves and change your life to prevent a relapse. It is not a matter of weeks or days to recover from something this serious. And it's not just a matter of forging through the fatigue - I can set my recovery back if I'm not careful. 

I often encounter people who work with athletes and their advice seems to be quite wrong to me: they are advising me to do a 40 minute cycle when five minutes flattens me. Because I look fine and I can hold a conversation, people just don’t understand just how depleted one gets from a stress-induced illness. This is not laziness and this is not me being over-dramatic. If I was prone to drama, I would not have become so depleted in the first place because people would have listened!

Even if I were able to stay on the bike for 40 minutes, I would feel the impact of that for days if not weeks afterwards. I recently had a spike of stress again and it set me back about a week. I felt my immune system dipping and was even advised by medical practitioners to up my Vitamin C dosage. So an intense cardio work-out is not what I need now.

I've tried going for a gentle walk and that works quite well. I found spots in my neighbourhood where I can rest on a bench if I get a little tired. I've also been doing ball exercises for various muscle groups but mainly core strength. I have been doing a cycle of ball exercises, walking and the five minute cycle once a week each. In the week where I had more stress, I had to stop all exercise again.

I have been pretty patient by my standards in not getting too uptight about gaining weight. Over the past few years and months I have given up alcohol, caffeine, carbonated drinks and am eating more of the things that are healthier. I was a healthy eater to start with, so there was not that much refining that could be done. I do feel very sorry for myself that I cannot control my weight, even though I'm eating well. The one weakness I do have is sugar, primarily chocolate. I feel that I have really done so much to work towards healing and recovery that I really deserve just one indulgence. 

For someone who used to say ‘my biggest health problem is sinus’, this is quite a different landscape. And I do find it enormously frustrating. I’m a person of action. I like to get things done, take ownership and put plans in place. For me to reign in exercise to this degree after being idle for months, is actually very hard. Sadly, even my fat pants are now becoming tight. I don't fancy buying a new wardrobe for my expanding physique so something must be done. 

In the reading and research I have done, I have noticed how much yoga comes up as a healing form of exercise. I have previously done the 90 minute gruelling sessions of Bikram yoga in a sauna environment, as it was at my level of intensity. Now, I think it would kill me. But I have resolved to try restorative yoga this week to dip my toe in the water.

I remember getting advice from Bio-Kinetics I was attending that the yoga was not at all compatible with running. The statement she used was ‘you don’t see any people from India winning marathons’. I was quite sad to have to give up yoga as I really enjoyed the intensity, the progress I was making and how great I felt afterwards. Perhaps this is my chance to improve my flexibility and to invest in a new regime of exercise that is health-building.

Do What You Love

What do you want to do every day for the rest of your life? Is it your current job, or what you spend a large amount of your time on? If not, it’s time to make a change, no excuses! 

That’s easy to say, but speaking from personal experience, I am frustrated that I didn't make a change earlier. Sure, I don’t really know what I’m going to do next but I have formulated some ideas so far. My main approach is to include flow experiences in my day as much as possible. I’m going to make sure that my next job contains one or more of them. Yes, I know that I won’t be teaching piano or sketching but those things are fun to explore and I enjoy the creative outlet.

It is hard to make a change. There may be some of you thinking that I was spoilt to inherit a business that I didn't have to create. But living someone else's dream is not fulfilling. I built the business more (on purpose) than the previous management ever did. I've sacrificed millions in earnings over the past years than if I'd stayed in a corporate job. But it's not money that I'm after, it's really living and relishing my work. 

Being a business owner sounds like such freedom but it’s actually very hard to exit a business when you’re the owner.  It sounds fun in that you can make all the decisions. But you often don’t have anyone to lean on or to bounce ideas off. It’s also really hard to restructure or sell when you realise that it just won’t work, no matter how hard you try.

Personally I always like to put in measures to prevent mistakes from happening again. 

That’s one of my strengths. I've been thinking a lot about how I could have prevented myself from getting a life-long health condition. Why didn't I spot the signs? The short answer is that I could not have done anything. The long answer includes the fact that I would always have doubted my decision to restructure and change direction if I had not taken myself so far. I had to push myself over the edge into being incapacitated, in order to be convinced that I've given it my all. No-one can tell me that I didn't try hard enough. No-one can call me a quitter. I will never say that the business took from me because I gave it willingly, and also, of course, a business is inanimate! The point is, I gave it my best shot and it didn't work. Now, I need take the lessons and make sure my future is structured differently.   

I really enjoyed the TED talk by Gary Vaynerchuk in that he’s just so comfortable in himself. He doesn't look like he’s doubting whether he’s doing the right thing. That confidence is enviable. And he has such a good point – don’t ever spend valuable years of your life doing something you don’t enjoy!

The variety of careers and jobs is more varied today than ever before. Options are what give us freedom, the freedom to pick the work we love. I don’t want to go back to being the stressed, grumpy, unhappy person I was last year. Even after a hard day, I want to be able to giggle with my kids and have the knowledge that in my heart I know I’m following my passion. I owe that to my family, my friends, to God, and mostly to myself.