How Many Times are you Prepared to Fail?

I’m reading a book called Mindset by Prof Carol Dweck. She has a lovely TED talk on the subject. She speaks of two mindsets: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset where you believe that people can improve on their abilities, intelligence, talents etc. People of the growth mindset are far more inclined to try harder to learn, and aren't as afraid to fail, relative to those with a fixed mindset.

I’m always interested in what keeps people going after failures and why they persevere. I've read many entrepreneurial articles that encourage the reader to keep trying despite spectacular failures. They cite numerous examples of really famous and successful entrepreneurs who have failed many times before succeeding. Many authors have also written a number of books that failed to achieve anything before they really ‘made it big’.

Having managed a small business and failed to turn it around, I sometimes wonder what else I could have done or what I should have done differently. Truth be told, I should have been wiser at the outset but at least I am now. I spent almost five years in the business, struggling to bring my strategy to life and to take all elements from the 1980’s into the present: software, processes and mindsets. What a struggle that was and it still didn't result in a profitable business. Yes I learned a lot but I also failed at many things.

I’m not too fond of failure. I did well at school and I like to succeed. I’m not afraid of hard work but I do find the failures tough. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: ‘There’s no such thing as a failure, there are only lessons’. That may be so, but it doesn't make the ‘lessons’ any less difficult to live through.

It is daunting starting something new, knowing that it might not work. The next job I take on, or the next project I start might not be successful. My book might be an utter disaster, only purchased by my friends. But what are my options? I can’t give up. I can’t hide in a corporate cubicle as I will surely perish. I simply have to give it a try. And I may well fail many times over. My main focus will be that I’m doing what I love and that I manage my failures wisely and take the lessons without feeling defeated.

I want to follow my passion and make sure each day has something enjoyable in it. I want to have time for my children and time for myself to reflect and to grow myself. I want to ensure my week includes something creative and something just for me. If I imagine a life like this, it may not bring in a lot of money but I will be happy and that will be worth it.

Thinking of the opposite where I bring in a lot of money but I’m tied to other people’s dreams, deliverables or passions, is simply not an option for me. I live my life for me now. I invest my time and energy in those closest to me and in things that will bear fruit. If I don’t get EROI (Energy Return on Investment) from someone or something, it won’t feature.

If I think about the amount of work that goes into writing a book, and the risk that it might be a failure, it can be quite discouraging. But it’s probably only through the practice of writing a lot, that I’ll improve enough to succeed. Hard work and perseverance in activities that induce flow and energise me, will be key ingredients to a successful and happy life in future. Failing along the way is just part of the journey I guess. 

Do What You Love

What do you want to do every day for the rest of your life? Is it your current job, or what you spend a large amount of your time on? If not, it’s time to make a change, no excuses! 

That’s easy to say, but speaking from personal experience, I am frustrated that I didn't make a change earlier. Sure, I don’t really know what I’m going to do next but I have formulated some ideas so far. My main approach is to include flow experiences in my day as much as possible. I’m going to make sure that my next job contains one or more of them. Yes, I know that I won’t be teaching piano or sketching but those things are fun to explore and I enjoy the creative outlet.

It is hard to make a change. There may be some of you thinking that I was spoilt to inherit a business that I didn't have to create. But living someone else's dream is not fulfilling. I built the business more (on purpose) than the previous management ever did. I've sacrificed millions in earnings over the past years than if I'd stayed in a corporate job. But it's not money that I'm after, it's really living and relishing my work. 

Being a business owner sounds like such freedom but it’s actually very hard to exit a business when you’re the owner.  It sounds fun in that you can make all the decisions. But you often don’t have anyone to lean on or to bounce ideas off. It’s also really hard to restructure or sell when you realise that it just won’t work, no matter how hard you try.

Personally I always like to put in measures to prevent mistakes from happening again. 

That’s one of my strengths. I've been thinking a lot about how I could have prevented myself from getting a life-long health condition. Why didn't I spot the signs? The short answer is that I could not have done anything. The long answer includes the fact that I would always have doubted my decision to restructure and change direction if I had not taken myself so far. I had to push myself over the edge into being incapacitated, in order to be convinced that I've given it my all. No-one can tell me that I didn't try hard enough. No-one can call me a quitter. I will never say that the business took from me because I gave it willingly, and also, of course, a business is inanimate! The point is, I gave it my best shot and it didn't work. Now, I need take the lessons and make sure my future is structured differently.   

I really enjoyed the TED talk by Gary Vaynerchuk in that he’s just so comfortable in himself. He doesn't look like he’s doubting whether he’s doing the right thing. That confidence is enviable. And he has such a good point – don’t ever spend valuable years of your life doing something you don’t enjoy!

The variety of careers and jobs is more varied today than ever before. Options are what give us freedom, the freedom to pick the work we love. I don’t want to go back to being the stressed, grumpy, unhappy person I was last year. Even after a hard day, I want to be able to giggle with my kids and have the knowledge that in my heart I know I’m following my passion. I owe that to my family, my friends, to God, and mostly to myself.

What does your brain love?

In the midst of what I thought might be a mid-life crises during October, I met someone who was completely fascinating. Claire seemed quite coy at the networking meeting I was attending and, in typical style, focused more on my business than hers. Being an introvert, I find business networking quite difficult, but I have learned to stretch myself.

We hit it off straight away and in the weeks that followed a few strange co-incidences brought us closer together. She does some amazing work in specifically helping people (and teams) find their flow. I remember asking her if she’d read ‘Flow’ and she said she’d named her business after it! The timing was perfect so I asked for her help in understanding my passions and how to define my path.

The outcome of the test showed that I am primarily a right-brained person, which to be honest, was a shock to me. At school I loved Mathematics (but also languages) and I chose to study a commerce degree with a focus on software. My career matched my studies and the trade I developed was that of Business Analyst in software development. I created detailed specifications with hours spent painstakingly getting the diagrams correct, with proper semantics. I accommodated elicitation of requirements from people in the knowledge that it was a necessary part of the job. I did enjoy the writing part but also the analytical part. I excelled in that job, surprisingly, given my brain and personality profile.

My introversion also came up on the test and the fact that I have some risk-taking or entrepreneurial characteristics. Who would have thought this girl at school who excelled at Mathematics and who chose IT as an industry would turn out to be creative?

It did get me thinking about all the creative pursuits I've leaned towards in my personal life. BC (Before Children), I took classes on making cards, painting plates and decoupage. I spent my weekends creating things. At school I loved piano and dancing but had to give them up since my school was small then and they needed all pupils to do sports, at which I most definitely did not excel.

I wonder how much of following a path in commerce was to please others or to ensure a good income. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had elected to be a choreographer as I’d dreamed of as a kid. I do know myself well enough to know that I’m only recently becoming tolerant of very creative people. I've always viewed them with a little skepticism and have labelled them as ‘scatter-brained’ or ‘disorganised’ in the past. At one of my early employers I was exposed to the advertising industry on an e-commerce team. I instantly navigated towards the ‘database’ guys who were not even that strong technically. For those who are more technically inclined, one of them told me he deleted foreign keys because they ‘got in the way’.

The primary reason I left the corporate world was lack of meaning. I joined the family business with two hopes. Firstly, that I’d learn how to run a business which I have most certainly learned. And secondly, to have the flexibility and lifestyle to enjoy my children. After 18 months into the business, we obtained a credible and supportive shareholder. We finally had a chance but with that, came a lot more formality. I had to learn how to be a proper Managing Director of a company, running board meetings, ensuring all aspects of regulation were covered etc. Although I learned and benefited a lot, I traded flexibility and freedom, for admin and regulation. 

The last job I had in the corporate world was the manager of a large team of Business Analysts. The leader of the division kept telling the management team that we must run our teams like we run a business. I marvelled at the admin that he expected us, the expensive highly skilled people, to do. At the same time the team secretary played solitaire on her computer. I remember having to stamp each invoice at right angles otherwise it was rejected. I used to tell people that every time I use that stamp 'a little piece of me died'. How funny it is to look back now, being a business owner, an entrepreneur and knowing what I know.

I know that doing work you hate breaks your spirit. I know that management is overrated but leadership rocks. I know the stress and panic of not being able to pay the bills. I know the real difficulty of key man dependencies. I know how much time and effort is spent doing things to just remain legal. And I know how important it is to let people focus on what they love. 

We can only be true to ourselves if we know ourselves. I’d highly recommend doing tests and completing questionnaires to discover what makes you tick. Only then can you be sure to focus on the things that you love, not the things that you’re good at. I have learned that there is a big difference.