Finding Homeostasis

So what does it mean to be officially in remission from Graves’ disease? It is my feeling that I have made great progress from the worst I felt during October and November last year until now. In only four months of medication, I have reached a stage where my body confirms my recovery. It is clear to me that I did not get to this state with only the medication. I have applied myself with my usual focus and discipline in ensuring that my health is restored. I made use of my self-care roster to force myself to sleep and meditate and I indulged in a multitude of alternative healing practices. I also had a lot of people praying for me. Mind, body and soul are now in alignment.

I am pleased with the news of being in remission but it doesn’t seem so convincing to me. Sure, I feel much better than I did last year. But I’m not completely well. I don’t have enough energy to work even for five hours at a stretch, even on activities that I enjoy. I am certainly not in a position to enter the workplace again.

My health has certainly been deteriorating for years, with a major trigger being a traumatic event in February 2012. I’ve been wondering about the point at which I started to tip over the classification of being ‘sick’. Homeostasis is defined to be:

the tendency of a system, especially the physiological system of higher animals, to maintain internal stability, owing to the coordinated response of its parts to any situation or stimulus that would tend to disturb its normal  condition or function.

So when will my system be back to its ‘normal condition or function’? I’ve started measuring how many hours a day I can work as my own measure.  My definition of being fully functional will be when I can work for seven hours a day and be able to enjoy my children and fit in some exercise. That will be my metric because the medical fraternity will certainly not be able to give me a time or any other measure.

I know that I still need my afternoon naps, even though they rob me of some productive hours. I know that it’s not the time for me to resume running. I’m doing yoga at the moment which I’m really enjoying. It is both healing and challenging so it suits my needs of recovery and to strive for perfection.

I do feel as though I’m entering a new phase of recovery now. My health is coming right and although I still need to take care, I’d like to shift my focus to my future. According to my thinking, I have been exceedingly patient in allowing myself to recover and to not worry too much about my future career. We all know that my passion is writing but I have not yet made any concrete plans as to how my career will look going forward. It frightens me to not know, but at least I am sure of what I do know: cubicles will be the death of me.

I have found a wonderful coach who also practices healing. I’m certain that she will be a key part of the next phase of recovery for me. I’m hoping she can help guide me in the direction I’d like to go, helping me to define my path and create an income stream out of what I love to do. One of the current challenges for me is to understand that no income does not mean no value. I have an ingrained belief that I need to be a contributing member of society to be valuable. How I measure that value now needs to change.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you." ~ Lao Tzu

Focus on Strengths, Partner for Weaknesses

I was recently reminded of an exercise I did in around 2009 when I was struggling to adjust to having a child and a career. It’s called Gallup’s Strengths Finder. I bought the book, did the online test and digested the findings eagerly. According to the test, your main strengths don’t really change over time. So revisiting them now was quite meaningful. These were my top five:

• Harmony – finding consensus, creating a peaceful environment, the mediator
• Input – collecting information, sharing insights, learning
• Focus – prioritising, then acting
• Discipline – creating structure out of chaos, being efficient
• Intellection – intellectual processing, introspection, analysis

How often to do we focus on our weaknesses and try to compensate or improve them? What I like about the Gallup approach is the focus on your strengths. Isn't it just spectacular that we are all built so differently?

Some of the advice on the action plan for my strengths is about making time to think and write. How interesting as that is something I've neglected for years. I had a chuckle about the advice to be patient with those who are not as efficient. I’m a whirlwind in my kitchen. I calculate what takes the longest, get it going and whiz around getting a bunch of things done simultaneously. So it’s not surprising that it boggles my mind when my husband takes twenty minutes to make tea!

I wasn't surprised about the discipline and focus although it is a seeming contradiction for a right-brained person. But I know that I’m a goal-driven person and I’m good at keeping meetings on track and making sure there are action-items instead of just rambling. I love to research and gather information and I’m using my blog to share insights in line with this strength. Having a medical sabbatical from work I’m able to rest and to spend a lot of time processing the reasons for my health collapse. I am focussing on not over-thinking as I’m prone to do so, especially with time on my hands.

In terms of Harmony, I’ve always been the one in my family to mediate between the feuding parties. The saddest thing for me is that I’ve had to cut people out of my life for my own survival. For me to do that is drastic, considering that harmony is my top strength. Rayya Elias talks about always making sure your side of the street is clean. There comes a time when you realise that there’s nothing you can do about the other side of the street.

I’m a strong believer that we should not focus on our weaknesses and try to make them better. Rather, we should accept them for what they are and find other people to support us who are strong in these areas. For example, I would need a business partner who doesn't mind admin and who can jump through the many hoops of bureaucracy that banks put in place in the process of ‘helping you’. I also know that there are certain types of people who I can’t lead and I simply won’t accept any future positions where I’m expected to do so.

A life without a fulfilling job is torture for me. I’m considering how to use my strengths in finding future roles that are suitable for me. I've said it before, but knowing yourself helps you make good choices about your future. And good choices lead to a happy life.