How Many Times are you Prepared to Fail?

I’m reading a book called Mindset by Prof Carol Dweck. She has a lovely TED talk on the subject. She speaks of two mindsets: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset where you believe that people can improve on their abilities, intelligence, talents etc. People of the growth mindset are far more inclined to try harder to learn, and aren't as afraid to fail, relative to those with a fixed mindset.

I’m always interested in what keeps people going after failures and why they persevere. I've read many entrepreneurial articles that encourage the reader to keep trying despite spectacular failures. They cite numerous examples of really famous and successful entrepreneurs who have failed many times before succeeding. Many authors have also written a number of books that failed to achieve anything before they really ‘made it big’.

Having managed a small business and failed to turn it around, I sometimes wonder what else I could have done or what I should have done differently. Truth be told, I should have been wiser at the outset but at least I am now. I spent almost five years in the business, struggling to bring my strategy to life and to take all elements from the 1980’s into the present: software, processes and mindsets. What a struggle that was and it still didn't result in a profitable business. Yes I learned a lot but I also failed at many things.

I’m not too fond of failure. I did well at school and I like to succeed. I’m not afraid of hard work but I do find the failures tough. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: ‘There’s no such thing as a failure, there are only lessons’. That may be so, but it doesn't make the ‘lessons’ any less difficult to live through.

It is daunting starting something new, knowing that it might not work. The next job I take on, or the next project I start might not be successful. My book might be an utter disaster, only purchased by my friends. But what are my options? I can’t give up. I can’t hide in a corporate cubicle as I will surely perish. I simply have to give it a try. And I may well fail many times over. My main focus will be that I’m doing what I love and that I manage my failures wisely and take the lessons without feeling defeated.

I want to follow my passion and make sure each day has something enjoyable in it. I want to have time for my children and time for myself to reflect and to grow myself. I want to ensure my week includes something creative and something just for me. If I imagine a life like this, it may not bring in a lot of money but I will be happy and that will be worth it.

Thinking of the opposite where I bring in a lot of money but I’m tied to other people’s dreams, deliverables or passions, is simply not an option for me. I live my life for me now. I invest my time and energy in those closest to me and in things that will bear fruit. If I don’t get EROI (Energy Return on Investment) from someone or something, it won’t feature.

If I think about the amount of work that goes into writing a book, and the risk that it might be a failure, it can be quite discouraging. But it’s probably only through the practice of writing a lot, that I’ll improve enough to succeed. Hard work and perseverance in activities that induce flow and energise me, will be key ingredients to a successful and happy life in future. Failing along the way is just part of the journey I guess. 

Perseverance is Not Always the Answer

I enjoy reading entrepreneurial books and articles. I have a fascination with people’s passions and what makes them do what they do. I’m also a fan of research and while running a business I wanted to know more and to ensure I was doing the right things. I remember reading some quote about how success is just on the other side of feeling like giving up. Reading that advice was really detrimental for me, in fact. You see, I’m not a quitter. I persevered so much that my health collapsed. To be fair, I didn't heed the advice in the same articles of weeding out toxic elements and doing what you love.

Just searching for quotes on perseverance, you will find hundreds of examples encouraging people not to give up. My husband and I have similar values and we are both ultra-marathon runners which, by its very nature, requires perseverance. We promote this value a lot in our household and we encourage our kids to keep trying. Perseverance is a major force in my life.

In 2008 my husband and I took a trip to Japan. We ran the Tokyo marathon together and it was an amazing experience, really different from what we are used to. We are from a culture where people bail a race if you’re not fit enough or injured. Sure, you have to face the consequences if you do, in that the other runners will not let you forget it. But most people exercise common sense when it comes to their well-being. And of course there are those who just don’t have what it takes to get through the mental struggle of an ultra-marathon. I say mental because it’s not your body that fails you towards the end of a hard race.

We found it really funny to read the race guidelines for the Tokyo marathon. Several times, it was emphasised that it takes courage to quit. The cultural difference was so striking to us. And it is true, that there are people who would rather kill themselves than fail or be seen as a failure.

I inherited an ailing business that was really too far gone. I struggled through it for almost five years, while running ultra-marathons and parenting two small children. There were a number of conditions which set me up for failure but my ingrained refusal to quit pushed me so far that my own body turned on me. Of course, internalising everything did not help but you can't change your nature. I should have changed the conditions and opted out earlier. 

One of my parenting challenges is to observe when my children are in flow and to encourage more of it. And another is to make sure they don’t overdo the perseverance. If they already have inborn and value-enforced determination, pushing them to never give up is not always the answer.