How Resilient Are You?

I’m officially in remission for a month now but have still been feeling really tired. I keep wondering what it will take to address this fatigue and just how much longer I’ll be struggling. I look so forward to the days where I don’t need to have an afternoon nap to survive as it really does take time out of the day. I’d love to do yoga a few times a week and be relaxed about going out more than once a day.

I’ve finished reading the book The Resilience Factor and I found it to be really helpful. In the design of a happy life, resilience is really vital. No-one can have a life without adversities, and it’s how we handle them that defines our happiness. The book provides a range of strategies to combat flawed thinking and poor responses when things go wrong. I found it to be really practical and powerful in helping to manage life’s blows, although I cannot say that I have mastered all the skills.

The book states “First you must become aware of the kind of person you are, and that means examining your deep beliefs and values about yourself, your world, and your place in it.” The authors urge us to identify the thinking patterns that are holding us back and to challenge our limiting beliefs.

As I’ve mentioned before, in designing a happy life and pursuing your passion, it is imperative that you know yourself first. Knowing yourself in this book’s context is about how you think and getting to understand your beliefs. By listening to the narrator in your head during adversities, you can uncover why you are reacting the way you are, and challenge beliefs in order to have a more appropriate response. Examples of how we think is whether we attribute problems to ourselves or to others and whether we feel that the issue affects everything in our lives and will always be there. How much control we feel we have over the problem plays a role, as does our level of optimism and our ability to accurately assess the situation. Resilient people are able to derive meaning from failure and feel empowered to take action.

Some of our beliefs are well-known to us but many are deep-rooted and difficult to uncover. Some of the self-development work I have been doing lately involves challenging beliefs that do not serve me. There are a few healing modalities such as Theta Healing® that help you to uncover these beliefs and even replace them with more constructive ones. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, the negative self-talk and our inner critic can be really harmful and needs to be addressed if you want a happy life.  

The person who has helped me the most in my healing journey has to be Meryl. She is skilled in a variety of healing modalities that appear quite complex to me. I must confess that I am confused about all the modalities that she practices but this time we worked on limiting beliefs, those that lurk far beneath the surface and that are affecting my energy levels.

The relief that I felt and still feel after visiting Meryl is nothing short of magical. In a one hour session she seems to have lifted a great burden and I feel far less fatigued. I must admit that if anyone said this kind of thing to me I’d probably roll my eyes and think them a little loopy. But nevertheless, that was my experience. I am yet to fully understand what she does and I’d love to write a blog post on it to give you more details but that will be for another time.

Boosting our resilience through challenging limiting beliefs remains a powerful method of personal growth, regardless of the method used. Since our beliefs govern our behaviours which can have dramatic impacts on our relationships, it’s worth knowing under what context we are acting. Knowing yourself allows you to be better equipped to handle life’s challenges and to manage the stress before it becomes serious.

Do you understand your thinking style? Do you tend to jump to conclusions in your thinking, or to mind read? What beliefs are holding you back from being the best you can be? What are the beliefs costing you and are you prepared to challenge them?

Synchronicity - Meaningful Co-incidence

I received some news yesterday that my thyroid is now functioning normally. It doesn't mean that I’m out of the woods yet as I’m not in remission and I still do feel very tired. My challenge now is to ensure I don’t get carried away and overdo it. I also need to make sure those around me don’t assume that I’ll be back to my normal self, however long ago that was.

You may have noticed that I haven’t been writing as much. There are a few reasons: school holidays, a long weekend away and just having a few too many commitments. I volunteered to write for an online magazine and the editor asked for a submission. I think I have been procrastinating in writing and submitting an article and it has taken me a few days to realise why. Isn't this just what I was wanting – the opportunity to publish my writing? But somehow when the opportunity arose, I doubted myself, questioned my worth as a writer and got anxious about the criticism. 

I submitted an article yesterday and await feedback eagerly. It is a leap of faith and it does take some courage to put myself out there. I have now given someone else the opportunity to criticise and reject my work. But as I've said in a previous post, there is power in vulnerability. In order to grow and expand my skills, I need feedback and I’m ready to take the leap. And yes, the possibility exists that it will not be published or will need to be reworked, but the mere submission is a step forward in my view.

I've been faithfully doing my Artist’s Way exercises and I believe the process to be a truly remarkable one. What is amazing to me is that each week what the author predicts will happen, truly unfolds. This week she predicted Carl Jung’s principle of synchronicity, or meaningful co-incidences, to emerge. In reading about the possibility that my wishes are being granted, it would be irresponsible not to respond. So it has indeed been perfect timing to have the opportunity to submit this article.

Something that has become evident to me is that things don’t feel right for me if I’m not writing. I have had this realisation in the past week or so where I have not written enough. Writing is a cathartic outlet for me and an opportunity to express myself in ways that I usually would not. It is so clear to me now that I need to write daily and my future career must include writing.

Many people around me have been commenting on how much better I am lately. I appear to be improving by the week. Last week I felt despondent and frustrated in thinking about a recovery period of months to come. With the news of my improved health and with those around me noticing an improvement, I feel encouraged and motivated to continue on my path. I have come to realise that my Self-Care Roster is a central part of my recovery. I was advised against it by some well-meaning people but I have found that it meets my need to make progress.

My improvement currently coincides with the onset of winter in the Southern Hemisphere. For those blessed with a sunny climate, it can be quite depressing to see the days become shorter and the temperature dropping. We, by no means, have a harsh winter but there is a marked change. I worked in South East Asia in my past and found it remarkable how the temperature didn't change much. As great as the warm weather all year around was, I quite missed the opportunity to wear my boots, scarves and winter coats. When the temperature is fairly constant, you don’t get to experience the optimism of spring. This was why I chose to get married in September, with the excitement of fresh start and new beginnings.

Perhaps my illness is entering its winter and by spring I’ll be fully renewed.

The Danger of Overthinking

Despite being right brained, I've always been analytical. My trade when I was younger even has ‘analyst’ in the title. While analytical thinking can be an important asset in the workplace and is often highly valued by employers, it has its dangers.

Being an introvert as well as being analytical lends me towards overthinking. I want to solve the puzzle, understand why it happened and put in measures to avoid it happening again. With my current state of health being really poor, I may have slipped into overthinking. I’m spending a large amount of time wondering why this happened to me and hasn't happened to other people. I’m wondering why mothers of four kids who work seem to be still standing. And yet I’m relegated to my bed for large chunks of the day.

Research shows that overthinking actually leads to unhappiness. The intention is to gain personal insight but there comes a point where we head down a pessimistic path of thinking that can even become quite distorted. The first step is to identify that it’s happening, which can be difficult to do as observing oneself is fraught with bias. And once we've identified it, we need to redirect our thoughts to the positive. For those with an optimistic tendency, we can use that gift to look for the silver lining.

A tactic I use with my children is distraction. I believe it to be highly effective when a child is overwhelmed by emotion. Once I've comforted her and she continues to be overwhelmed, I then make use of distraction. I ask her about something fun that happened at school or something she’s looking forward to. Sometimes I ask a question I know she’ll be interested in, that she probably hasn't considered. Something like whether our cat likes to chase lizards. Don’t get me wrong, although I’m not a fan of drama, I have no issue with emotional expression. Sometimes they just get overwhelmed in the moment and need to find their way out. If the lizard question didn't end the bawling, it’s more serious.

I’m going to try this tactic on myself the next time I start wondering if I’ll ever be able to live a normal life again. The silver lining of my health collapse is perhaps something about the revelation that my job was harmful for me and perseverance was not the answer. That’s fine and understood. But I can’t keep thinking that thought over and over. I need to employ the distraction tactic and to be truthful I find writing this blog to be a great help. It’s an opportunity to structure and formulate thoughts on how to adjust my life for the better. It helps me focus on a positive future and distracts me so that I don’t become overwhelmed by despair.