The Antidote

Any mother of young girls would have watched Frozen at least once in the last year. The heroine, Elsa, has a wonderful gift but doesn't know how to control it. Fear makes it more dangerous and she retreats into her ice castle, protected by the snow monster she creates. Well, I wouldn't say my gift is quite that powerful but I did connect with the withdrawing into the ice castle and needing protection. Seeing her finally being herself and the beauty she releases, really resonated with me. Elsa discovers that Love is the antidote to fear and with Love she can learn to use her gift for fun.

For about four and a half years I've struggled with Frustration in the business. Yes, that capital letter is there on purpose. Frustration that we didn't have enough money to modernise the system, frustration trying to inspire people who cannot be inspired, frustration in trying to compete with and be supported by a bank at the same time, frustration that regulations restricted my innovation and frustration that I could never land that big deal that would mean the world to the business. 

Every month I drudged through the accounting, eagerly looking at the bottom line. And each month, the growth was so small. I tried so many tactics to overcome the obstacles and kept persevering thinking that any day now, things will improve. They didn't, and when I did the budgeting exercise in October, I knew it would be foolish to use any data other than historical data to project future revenue.  I had the rude awakening that I would spend more than another year asking for funding and eking out an existence on a salary that hasn't budged for five years.

For so long, my day was filled with admin, forms, completing bank forms with the same information seven times repeated, banking transactions, arguing with the tax authority and the dreaded accounting. I have always been an academic and performed well at school. Accounting at university was the first thing I failed in my life. Once I applied myself I did well in the supplementary exam and it didn't hold me back. But mastering something doesn't make you love it. This week, I’m still doing the accounting for the business. But it is the last time. I have found someone to do it for us and am documenting the process to ease the transition. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Like Elsa, I have discovered my antidote to Frustration – Creativity! I’m filling my day with things that I love to do. I've bought a piano, I’m making a crochet blanket of my own pattern, knitting teddy bears who each have their own little character, baking and of course, writing. I can’t do all these things in one day since my energy levels are not quite back to normal but I’m purposefully carving out fun in my day. That is my antidote.

I visited my doctor this morning and the great news is that my thyroid levels are normal. I can stop taking medication for the heart and am allowed to exercise again. I will take it on slowly to be sure that I’m not overdoing it, but I’m thrilled! I can’t stop the thyroid medication until the antibody for Graves’ disease is back to normal which we shall check at the end of the month.

I’m so pleased to get feedback from those who are reading my blog. I am simply thrilled to hear that people actually like my writing. With all this good news, I’m floating on a cloud. That ice monster can stay inside today.