I've read a lot about social comparison lately – the tendency
to compare ourselves with others. This morning I was listening to the song Goat Girl by Tanya Donelly.
I find it quite cute the way she says she wanted a Lion but she ended up with a Man who wanted a Gazelle. We wish we were wealthier, more elegant and thinner and we look at other
spouses, wondering if they are more like Tanya’s Lion. We all have our faults and failures and people tend to put on their best side
when in public. I can guarantee you that Lion you've been ogling also farts in the
bed and leaves his underpants on the floor.
How much time do you spend wishing for your life to be different? Wishing for your partner to change or for that bigger house, car, better job, fancy holiday, more sparkly jewelry. None of those things can hurt but they are not the source of happiness. What others have is great for them but having more of anything won't make you happy. Research shows that it only temporarily lifts happiness and that you will return to your happiness default. When happiness windfalls happen, we adapt to the good fortune and incorporate it as our happiness norm. This is called hedonic adaptation.
I know someone who was brought up in a poor household, with many siblings. They are not skilled but married into a wealthy marriage, after breaking up a family. With no boundaries, they enjoyed fulfilling every whim - holidays overseas, new cars annually, fancy food, country clubs and any material asset one would desire. And yet they are the unhappiest person I have ever known.
One of the key ingredients of a happy life is gratitude. And in being content within yourself. Stop wishing for something else and start loving what's there. If you're wishing to be different, make some goals and take steps towards the better you. Many people want others to change but that's truly unrealistic. It's better to focus on improving yourself and you may, or may not, see a change in their behaviour.
I know someone who was brought up in a poor household, with many siblings. They are not skilled but married into a wealthy marriage, after breaking up a family. With no boundaries, they enjoyed fulfilling every whim - holidays overseas, new cars annually, fancy food, country clubs and any material asset one would desire. And yet they are the unhappiest person I have ever known.
One of the key ingredients of a happy life is gratitude. And in being content within yourself. Stop wishing for something else and start loving what's there. If you're wishing to be different, make some goals and take steps towards the better you. Many people want others to change but that's truly unrealistic. It's better to focus on improving yourself and you may, or may not, see a change in their behaviour.
The path to happiness most certainly does not include social
comparison. Indeed it is the opposite. Rather, switch your thoughts to
gratitude and savouring, two proven strategies in enhancing our happiness. As
the Goat Girl says, “I do my brutish best” and my husband loves me anyway.
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